The Accidental Astrologer


Keep an eye on La Luna’s transits this spring

By Astrid Stellanova

Star children, consider the moon.

All things lunar delight me: moonlight, moon bathing, Moon Pies, moon races — and swooning beneath the moon with Beau.

Without the glorious moon, we would be stuck with he paler light of Venus in the night sky. And the sea tides would be punier. Days would be much shorter but our years much longer. The axis of the Earth would be wonky. Seasons would no longer exist.

The brightest moon this month, a “worm” moon, will light things up on March 9th. Another super moon, a “pink” moon, falls on April 8th. Watch lunar lovers, in wonder.

Pisces (February 19–March 20)

Somebody has to bring the chaos, and somebody else has to be the designated chaos coordinator. Pull up your boots and just deal with it, Darlin’. You’ve had many skills that are being tested; but there is no one better to handle what is in front of you.  The good news is your trials are soon resolved and the Magic 8-Ball agrees: The future looks bright.

Aries (March 21–April 19)

You ain’t a flower, but if you stand in the sunlight you might get straightened out. The past dark months bent you out of shape, and your focus was the view from a dark corner of your mind. The days are longer, and you grow stronger and more resilient with each cycle.

Taurus (April 20–May 20)

Paddle your own canoe. Stay in your own lane. Mind your own beeswax. Write this on your hand and read it, Sugar. The temptation to meddle is mighty, but the payoff to resist is profound.

Gemini (May 21–June 20)

Can’t everybody be the monarch, or who would bow down and kiss your patootie?  That’s right, Honey Bun. Have you realized how much you need to make others subservient? Watch The Crown, but don’t wear one.

Cancer (June 21–July 22)

Lordamercy, Child! Seems like you’ve got too many tabs open in that brain of yours.  Consolidate your energy and focus upon things in an orderly way. Being too scattered hurts your peace of mind.

Leo (July 23–August 22)

Don’t let life become a spaghetti Western. You know the player, Honey, who enters the room and immediately turns everything into a Survivor episode. This drama is costly. Two steps back will save your sanity.

Virgo (August 23–September 22)

Those who love and know you say this: You’ve been like a mother or father figure, but cooler. A reputation for being kind and nurturing can be useful in mentoring.  This will be important to your legacy.

Libra (September 23–October 22)

Running out for beer, coffee or doughnuts is not exercise. Love Bug, you have neglected your own well-being but developed your social life. Now to combine both for the sake of a longer, healthier, loving life.

Scorpio (October 23–November 21

If you’ve grown up around boys, nothing can scare you. You already know that.  Your sense of mystery is so deep; sometimes shyness is at the root. Saying you’re scared isn’t your way; but Honey, just say it.

Sagittarius (November 22–December 21)

Your cat may think you’re cool as beans . . . but outside the house you baffled your human friends. What is in play has confused others but you do have an end game.  Talk about it. Gain support for your actions.

Capricorn (December 22–January 19)

Those crazy relatives helped build character. Now you are one — a real-life Southern character. A fun time in your sun cycle, and unexpectedly, you air some whole new eccentricities. Sugar, fly your freak flag!

Aquarius (January 20–February 18)

Your face is saying what your mouth just can’t, but being an open book type, you had no idea. Wearing a game face is absolutely impossible. No Vegas cards for you; maybe Tarot? Consult the charts; stay calm.

For years, Astrid Stellanova owned and operated Curl Up and Dye Beauty Salon in the boondocks of North Carolina until arthritic fingers and her popular astrological readings provoked a new career path.

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